devils and espresso

I’m in a season of life where I’m looking to create space and allow for healing. 

So on Friday night, rather than making plans, I left work, drove to a coffee shop with a stack of books and spent the evening reading while sipping the holiday special off the menu.  I went home at a decent hour and by 11:30p, I was off to bed.  (This is very early for a night owl like me). 

I was proud to be creating space and new habits. I turned my phone off before I entered my room. I took a cortisol tab to help me sleep. My essential oil diffuser was lavishing lavender into the air.  And I grabbed a book to read before going to sleep.  

I wasn’t yet tired but I felt good about my decisions. I turned my salt lamp off and closed my eyes.  

I slept for 15 minutes and woke up wide awake. This cycle continued for multiple hours. My mind was buzzing from one thing to another.  My heart started racing as fast as my mind.  

And I was like, ‘ok satan, I’m creating some good habits and I see what you’re doing.’ I’m not going to give in. So I started praying through this bout of spiritual warfare.  I started practicing my yoga deep breathing. 

And as I did, my mind drifted back to my evening with the holiday special drink.  And I could see the sign again in my mind. Cinnamon, cayenne, vegan chocolate, milk of choice... and...

Well, I decided to give up and just get out of bed. I was ready for a spiritual battle. But a battle I knew I couldn’t win was with that last ingredient...

Espresso.