and then I turned 35

Yesterday, I turned 35.  I’ve never gotten that excited about birthdays.  Well, maybe when I was a kid and I could have a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle or Superhero Birthday.  I remember turning 20 and being disappointed I wasn’t a teenager anymore.  Yeah, I’m one of those rare breeds who enjoyed the awkward teen years.  The cracking voice, the growing of facial hair, and all of the strange things happening… yeah, I was cool with it.  Even if I didn’t know how to ask a girl out properly and still used a box phone in my car.

Well, then I turned 25.  Life wasn’t what I thought it’d be but I was happy.  I had just finished college and had planned on getting married.  Not in like, I was engaged, but as in, I just thought I’d get married when I finished college.  That’s how it works, right?

And then I turned 30.  I’d lived a full life and was overwhelmed with thankfulness for all the good in my life, but it still felt like something was missing.  Not just a wife, but some kids too.

And now, I turn 35.  And life is full.  Very full.  And yet, empty.

It’s amazing how something so full can also feel so empty. 

I wouldn’t trade any part of my life.  But is it challenging not to share it with someone?  Absolutely.

Each Birthday that passes, I’m left a little more grateful, and a little more empty. 

And without sounding overly spiritual, I absolutely believe Jesus can fill that void.  But sometimes, it’s nice to have a human touch as well.   

I thought I’d be married.  I thought I’d be raising a family.  And yet, I never dreamed possible the things I’ve been able to do and be a part of.

And despite hoping to share all of that with someone, I’ll always be more content chasing the hell out of life than chasing someone to do it with me.

Maybe we’ll find each other in the wind.