So, how were your 30’s? (a decade of loss)

One of my friends asked, “So, how were your 30’s?”

My facial response was, eeeeeeek.  And there may have been an audible shriek in there too.

I hadn’t thought about that, the decade as a whole, but when I did and, well, yikes.

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It starts in my 20’s.

I’m not a ‘build an empire’ kind of guy. I’m more of a, ‘let’s help and serve people’ kind of guy. But damn, I built a f*cking empire.

I had a childhood dream of working in the NBA. Before I knew it, I was banging with LaMarcus Aldridge in the post, hanging with Greg Oden in the video room, and rebounding make after make from Damian Lillard.

I wanted to travel and serve people. I went to Russia to work in youth spots camps. I went to Thailand and India after the Tsunami.  I went back to India to serve kiddos with disabilities. And I went to Zimbabwe to serve with children at risk… and then I went back. Again. And again. And became a board member. And then the Vice President. I went back for 10 years. 

I wanted to start a community group (house church). And me and a buddy did. And it had 50 people the first week. And then 70+ regularly in his living room.

*

Life was pretty sweet. And I planned to just keep building and building and building, find a partner who matched the vision and keep building, keep learning, keep growing, keep doing.

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And then I turned 30.

And I learned how fragile life is.  How there aren’t always answers.  And how sometimes, the building and growing and doing comes to a rest.

My brother-in-law got sick with a head cold. Which turned out to be a tumor. Which turned out to be cancer. Which turned out to be the end of his life.   

Our church ended house churches so in a flash, the community we had built over 6 years was over. 

And the ministry I had poured my life into for 10 years in Africa and had committed my life to, well, that ended too.

And then right before my 30’s were over, well, one more ass-kicking as I got fired from my job of 15 years. 

*

So how were my 30’s? 

Honestly, pretty great.

I learned one of the best lessons of all.

Seasons.

Life is full of seasons.

Full of planting and full of uprooting.  Full of hope and full of depression.  Full of life and full of death. 

You don’t just grow and grow and grow. And build and build and build.  And learn and learn and do.

You plant.  You wait.  You harvest.  You go through seasons.

You enjoy the sunshine. You embrace the rain. And you brace for the winter. 

The 20’s were a season of building.

The 30’s were a season of loss.

I don’t enjoy loss. But I’ve learned to embrace loss.  It makes one a deeper individual.  It can make one more compassionate and kinder towards others.  It allows me more words and feelings for my depressive and contemplative self to write. 

And it creates a new season that’s ready for planting. 

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And the cool thing about seasons… is the people that stick with you through them all.

There are highs and lows.

Births and deaths.

Jobs come and go.  Ministries come and go.  Communities come and go.

But there are those special and rare people that are by your side through it all. 

I’ve learned to embrace the loss, even a decade of loss. 

Because really, it just leaves a lot of space for planting and for something even more beautiful to bloom. 

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a season (for everything and a time for every delight and event or purpose under heaven—

A time to be born and a time to die;
A time to plant and a time to uproot what is planted.

A time to kill and a time to heal;
A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to weep and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to throw away stones and a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing.

A time to search and a time to give up as lost;
A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear apart and a time to sew together;
A time to keep silent and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate;
A time for war and a time for peace.