#39

I sat alone, outside a coffee shop, stack of books and cold brew at my side and contemplated my last year.

It was a typical setting in an atypical year. 

I turned 38 near the beginning of the pandemic last year.  And despite working from home, going through the same daily routines, well, a lot has happened.

When people have asked me how I’ve been, my response has basically been the sentiments of, “Surviving, not thriving.”

My work has gone backwards.  My spiritual life has grown stagnant.  My friendships have been hindered by distancing. I had a relationship end.  I battled depression and discouragement continually knocking at my door. 

But I’d always say that despite all of that… I did have a Win!  I bought a house.  My first house.  A house that I love.  And I have incredible roommates.

I’d been looking for a home for the last couple of years and was deciding between buying a condo downtown or the biggest home I could find and afford in the suburbs.  I wanted downtown living or as much space as I could afford.  Two different things, I know.

My realtor said to me, “You keep talking about one of the first houses we looked at, why don’t you just go for it.”  There was a home in Tigard that had all the space and rooms I was looking for.  It was priced right out of my budget (like, literally, I couldn’t get a loan for it) and I wasn’t sure I wanted to move to the Burbs.  Alas, we struck a deal and I got it (Thanks Jeff… if you need a great realtor, let me know!).  

I was looking to move into the city to basically create a new life… new friendships, new church, new community, meet new people, do the downtown life, that thing.  And yet… had I moved to the city, I’d have approximately the same mortgage (with no roommate help), no new friends (covid), no city life (closed)… I would be miserable.

So maybe I’ve been a little miserable over the last year, but my home in the Burbs and my roommates (built-in friendships and covid bubble) gave me some grounding.

When I bought the home, it was almost a business decision as much as anything.  I had no idea who would move in.  And then my guy Kevin hit me up on Insta, “You need a roommate?”  Yes!!!  And then my current roommate Chris decided to move in as well.  Yes!!!  And then my friends Cristina and Amanda came and visited and decided to move in as well, yes!!!  All of a sudden, despite everything happening, covid, fires, riots… I had a house filled with incredible, loving, warm, hospitable people.  

And as the year has come to a close… I’ve started to find a lot more wins and in that, a lot more hope.

In mid-January, I hopped in my car and drove to Arizona.  I hadn’t had a vacation day in nearly a year and a half.  And although this wasn’t vacation (I was working from the road), it was refreshment.  

Time on the open road each year has become part of my life rhythms.  It used to be going to Africa which was a perfect blend of service, love, relationships, and no cell phone service.  And now it’s become a time to think, reflect, forgive, heal, create, and wonder.  And the no cell phone service has been replaced with copious amounts of Instagram photos while trying not to respond to anyone because I’m ‘away.’  It doesn’t really work, but you feel me, I know. 

Even though my working from home simply moved locations… my perspective did a 180.  Maybe it was getting away, maybe it was Arizona’s Vitamin D (and open coffee shops).  Regardless, it was healing.  I came back to Oregon, renewed.

I finished and published my book of poems, Lovers.  Yay!  I’ve been writing and working on so many projects for years so to actually complete one and get it out was a huge win.  

With my work in a precarious, unknown space, I started lots of brainstorming for what I want to do and what I want life to look like in the next season.  I can’t say I have the answer right now, but I do have peace and momentum.  

When I wasn’t welcomed back to the office at the beginning of the season, I was hurt, devastated.  But now, I can be thankful for the time and space I’ve had.

I’ve got a new business project on the way!  Something that I have refined over the last few months with various phone calls and meetings to come up with something that I really want to do and think I can be really good at leading.  

I’m not excited about turning 39.  It feels old.  But I am excited about what 39 has to offer.

So yeah… 39…. an awesome house (come visit!), a book (and more on the way!), a business venture (aimed for high school and college students)… and hopefully a renewal of faith, friendships, and relationships.  Cheers.